tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Closure Closure. I needed closure. Maybe that's what these last two weeks have been about.. giving me the closure I needed. The rotten notes and letters sent anonymously?... so they think... was bad... but it put me in the place I needed to recieve the news that there will be nothing more between us... No... of course he did not say that... I did ... I got to that place where I could. He said.. he would not be coming out any time soon and that they will be living together sometime in the near future... after he closes on a house.... soon.. what it said to me was... there is nothing for us... not even friendship... The friendship part I added as we really have never been friends... I was his... he has never been mine. and it hurt... But something happened yesterday... the hurting stopped. It has hurt for most of the time this last year... and for whatever reasons the gods had for stopping the hurt.. I am glad. I didn't short circuit... it just stopped. I didn't go to the void...I couldn't get there... though I tried. I felt as if I had witnessed a death and I mourned deeply but then ... yesterday afternoon.. the pain stopped. But I threw the runes 3 times still this morning... and I smiled at the rune for him... yes, I know that is not nice.. the rune of disruption... I am still laughing. The rune for me was logical... even to the point of telling me I shouldn't get all happy at some one else's misfortune... and I laughed again. But the one for us... hmmm.. that new beginnings one... or the completion of beginnings... The Hero-God ing one...to stay centered and grounded,,, cleared from all unwanted influences.... to see the humor and be prepared to open to the will of heaven... Tao. Yes, for sure it is the time for a new beginning for us... nothing is as it was nor will it ever be again. But I am alright... and in my dreams last night... something that I can't quite put my finger on... but it woke me at 3:00 this morning... and I felt refreshed...as if my soul had taken a bath.. it probably needed one after what it has gone through these last couple of weeks... and now I feel clean... like my heart is new and my head...well, it's still not sure what to think... but we are ready to move on. Yes, I know what the reader said... actually.. I am going to make another appointment and have her read again... after all... she has been exactly correct in everything so far... and I know her time line is not up yet... I know how she said it would end ... at the end... but... at least I now understand the "if". 6:19 a.m. - 2003-04-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||