tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- East or West another morning ... children off from school ... just this week for me to go before I take a few days and go off by myself... well, just my son and myself. I hate everything being up in the air about where we are going... I just know I need warmth like never before. we thought it would be a good time to check out a college that my son is thinking about... but now... well, co-incidentally it is very close to old friend D... and that would have been fine had he not called Sunday... I would have gone and maybe called when we were in the area and if I did not get him on the phone... which would have been highly unlikely... that would have been it. End of story. But that is not how it has happened... and now.. I know if we go.. if we see him... it will not end well for me... for my heart. I am not sure anymore if he has a place in my heart except in the memory section... nothing in the new or present section. And it even isn't about us... it is about who he is now... who he isn'T is probably the better choice of words. and I am feeling vulnerable this morning... in many aspects of my life... My brother came over last night... the weather was so beautiful. He brought his dog and we tried to get her to play with Maggie. Poor Maggie... this tiny little dog was so mean to her.. she just was so excited at having a new playmate... it was funny... I laughed so hard watching the two dogs... almost as if it was a release for some pent up emotion that had been lurking in my psyche. but this morning... I feel so calm... and not sure of what I will do or need to do... will we go or will we take another route...see another school. Maybe just get to the ocean... sand...sun... waves.. Have to decide soon.... I am heading out Friday. 6:13 a.m. - 2003-04-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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