tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- just another day why do most people want the things that are so bad for them? what is it that attracts us to it? That's not really the facts.. though. Had I known the real him... I would never have let it go so far. Unfinished business...actually it was finished long ago...before it ever got started. I knew exactly what he was and stayed as clear as I possibly could. I had my weak moments ... but I knew. and then I forgot and now I can't seem to stay focused on knowing. Now I make allowances... now I want to believe. but sometimes..nothing is just nothing. Yesterday I started my seeds... my flower gardens will be the best this year. I think as soon as we have a real break in the weather I am going to add a new flower area. Last year I couldn't stay focused on my flowers and it hurt knowing he had effected me so that I couldn't stay focused on something I love so much. Everything hurt so. But not this year. My flowers will be great... especially as I feel this will be the last summer I will spend at this house. and i will go back to work today as the weather is crappy and it beats wasting a vacation day in the house. and L called last night. His son is still in the hospital but his ex wife will stay the night so he can get some rest. They haven't told him much except that he will be in for another couple of days. But last night he took some of his son's friends up to see him, so at least his spirits are good. That's one of the things I like most about L... when he is not being too lenient... he really is about his children. nad I need to feel the smile... deep in my soul.. but it just isn't happening. and i did the runes this morning... hmmm. I guess some things never change. 6:34 a.m. - 2003-04-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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