tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- a feeling in the air so its almost here... just a few days left...will we see D? no... don't think that will enter into our plans... but it will be a roadtrip and I am starting to get excited. but this morning... before I put the dog out... before I smelled the air and felt the warm breeze of what can be.. I panicked this morning. Before I got out of bed...I panicked at this thoought I have that there will never be anyone again that I truly love. and i think that I should have left everything alone because my wanting more and more... understanding more and more... left me alone. I said gooodby to my one great love... I buried him in the mound of flowers and now... there is no one. I wish when I thought of D I could see his face... but now it's just the face of D I see.... and I am nothing to him now. and this weekend... L... no... for sure it won't be this weekend... or any I fear... because in my simple mind I still want it all. but... why do I still feel D? and just as strong as before? Is it because the connection is still there? and is it more real this time because he is who he is now... just him... and that is still enough for me. and if he was... could he still be now? to me? and there comes that smile my soul feels... I hope he's not sad today. 7:04 a.m. - 2003-05-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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