tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I filed a snakes tooth My presentation went well this weekend... even I knew I did well. It is the first time I have ever given one without notes or my hands and voice shaking. It was a strange feeling.. almost as if I was having a conversation with a group of people and I was leading the conversation ... steering it in the direction I wanted it to go... but I did well.. and I am relieved. but the whole moving thing... I know my place is out there... I just wish I could find it... It is almost as if I can feel my future..as If I am at the door and know the key is someplace out there and just haven't found it yet. But I will... of that I am sure. The old man was back in my dreams last night..with lots of new players... new scenaries.. I was on my old country road and the sun was shining though it was getting towards evening. I wasn't walking though.. I was on my motorcycle!... Me on a hog!.. My son was holding on behind me and I felt the wind brushing past my face . and then we passed an old house... one of those with the big porches... and my old man was sitting on the porch. I almost didn't recognize him sitting there in an old rocking chair...so accustomed to seeing him in the forest.. but I was so happy to see him... so I quickly pulled into the drive.. I wanted him to meet my son. He held my face for a moment and asked how I was as he looked into my eyes. I felt him as he searched my soul for the truth. I am OK, I told him... I have been sad and I miss Alacarn ? ( not sure how to spell it but that is what I called him.. kind of).. he asked about D and I said I did not know.. he just doesn't stop hurting me. The old man smiled and whispered in my ear... you will be fine... just seek the truth. I looked at him and said.. but I finally know the truth.. he laughed and said.. the truth is never what we know but only what we don't know... you have gotten this far... but you have ways to go.. So what is real, I asked the old man... and he opened his arms wide and as my son and I looked out the world changed and became a sea of brilliant colors.. the colors becoming the focus... and shapes the afterthought. When was the last time you danced with the colors... he asked... when has your son danced with the colors.. have you taught him anything about them? Have you gone to them for the peace you seek?As tempting as the colors were.. the confusion became more apparent and I asked about D... he told me then... you know his colors... feel his colors and you will be alright. back to the colors.. and then the dream shifted and another motorcycle showed up... and it was someone that i knew.. someone that was me.. but not me.. and I told her to go.. she frightened me.. and she said it is not that easy. and we ran... my son and I to a house that I knew was safe... and the man of the house... who I do not know.. sat us down in safety... and showed us a big wicker basket and inside were huge snakes. I started to run and to scream... but he held my hand and said sit down... it will be alright. and for some unknown reason.. I sat down and trusted this man. Me who trusts no one. He showed me what had to be done to the snakes fangs.. how they had to be filed.. and I helped him do it.. and I wasn't afraid anymore.. and this man... we became friends and he laughed at my fear... and my son felt comfortable there.. and the alarm startled me back to now... and I am sorry I had to come back to this reality. 6:19 a.m. - 2003-05-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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