tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- not been a good year So the big question is still to be answered.. will he come this weekend? or.. is the dream dead as deep down I know it to be. Face the reality of this reality.. there is nothing and no one.. face it.. and I have but I am a dreamer and they say hope springs eternal and maybe that is what will get me through this existance.. but though I have hope without trust how is it possible? Just thoughts.. regardless it will be a difficult weekend for even if he should come.. I will know it really wasn't about me.. it was about seeing his old close friends and I... just someone. For me.. it will be enough to see his smile and his face.. for I live in my world of what isn't and what might come to pass.. is it a world of delusions or allusions.. or simply my fancy.. the living dream that I learned at such a young age to escape to. Soon it will be my birthday and I will as I do every year look back to see what has changed.. where my mental state is at.. my heart.. my life. This year has not been a good one.. most times have seen me holding on by my fingertips to what is left of my sanity... and my heart is in pieces.. and my life just existing.. waiting .. no.. this has not been a good year. 6:11 a.m. - 2003-07-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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