tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- so it's OK my second karate class and i got one of those little stripes... the ones that you have to get before you go for testing... myself and a guy that started this week also.. How cool... and of course once again I did not want to go but my son almost pushed me out the door. He has decided it will do wonders for this thing I am developing that I don't want to be around people. that find me a cave and let me live in th forest with just the animals and wee ones for company.. and oh yes, my books.. and I will be happy. but I went and it was fun..exhausting .. but fun. and tonite we are going to karaoke. my girlfriend is going with me.. unless of course tonite I chicken out... and those thoughts are coming to mind so clearly at the moment. I was awakened last night by a noise... coming from some place... at first I thought it was outside.. away from my room... and it was... kind of.. not an outside noise as in away from me.. close to me but a different reality I think... I heard it so distinctly and when my eyes tried to focus in the dark so see what was there... a small patch of brown appeared in my vision... there were variations of brown and gold in the patch but I couldn't make out what they were until it got closer. It was a face... resting on a patch of wood stuff... a face I knew.. or at least was not frightened of.. a face smiling.. and the light was shining on his face or from his face.. a gentle light... a gentle face.. a gentle smile... his gentle eyes. yet I knew that face could hold such anger and cruelty... still I was not frightened.... there was no anger or cruelty for me.. he was not capable.. not now.. not for me. I stared at that face as if we were talking.. as if in that smile were more words than I can express here.. I am sure I was awake... I am sure. and that face... it haunts me now.. because to explain how I felt while I gazed on that face... while we talked without words... to know... I am on the right path. How blessed am I to be given these moments of understanding and at the same instance the realization how little I truly understand. But I do know this... I am going to get through this reality.. with a little help from my friends!!!! ( probably a lot of help!) and the sun is shining this morning and my flowers look great... my son is wondeful and just a good kid.. my animals are alive.. it is summer.. I have what I need if not what I want.. life is OK today. 6:18 a.m. - 2003-07-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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