tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- sometimes I understand but a little for a moment I lost my faith this morning.. the what ifs and the how abouts and the just plain old.. are you sures got to me. it started with the news.. the catholic church has said that it is ok in cases of rape to take contraceptives... to kill that ????? and to me it said more than that.. it said under certain conditions a child was not an acceptable part of "society" and changes... they just make me understand what I do not know... how little I know.. but then my faith was shaken by words read in a book... by thoughts that opened a new path... that made me look at my connection to the great I AM.. I panicked... Could he not be that great being that I run to for comfort... and that led to .. is there no comfort for me out there? leading to... what is the point... and will I really have to come back and do it over if i choose to end it now. It has all started because of something that happened earlier this week.. and now I think I have more of a handle on it ... why it was necessary... of course the runes have been helping me... and I remembered my contract... that sacred contract This has been a truly confusing week for me... But in the end the runes have said it all.. That which is disowned will wreck havoc when what is disowned is only the refusal to face the pain. I tried to disown it all... and the emptiness at that moment was darker than any night I know... darker than any pain i have gone through.. void of any colors... and me without the colors... that just not right. 7:12 a.m. - 2003-10-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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