tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I know what I have to do How am I suppose to live with out you? I just heard that song come on and it went to my bones... thru every nerve in my body and I remembered.. and smiled. The runes say I need to live for a time empty. How long is for a time? I think I have slipped into the void somehow during the night... maybe it was the talk with the old man. Of course he would show up... I was so uneasy yesterday... so uncomfortable and full of terror. He held my hand and looked so concerned. I told him how frightened I was... how panicked.. He listened and then this great smile came over his face. His voice.. so soft and caressing.. My child... you really don't understand.. do you? This fear is coming from a decision you heart has made.. a decision you are on the brink of accepting.. can't you understand that? I looked at him... and thought.. and of course Dan's face came into my mind. You are so close he said... and of course you want to run... Trust in yourself and in the gods. Trust in Dan. Trust in love... the love of the universe... focus only on that love... nothing else. But if I focus on that I will miss him and that will hurt and then he will be gone again... The old man laughed .. accept he said... this moment is all anyone has. Be honest in your moment and your fear.. your terror will dissipate and your tears will flow. I don't want to cry.. no more tears for him. Again the old man laughed and his laughed seemed to cleanse my insides... gently washing away clogging crap.. I don't mean your tears will flow as in crying.. only that you will be able to feel.. to leave this cocoon you are placing yourself in because of your fear. But I felt this weekend... I did.. and it was wonderful.. Aaahhh... But when he drove his car away... what did you feel then? I just loved him.. with no expectations.. I trusted in the gods and it felt good. Then feel that now.. Remember and love. and then he was gone... and I guess this morning I do... but... I can't help but wonder when I will see Dan again. 6:26 a.m. - 2004-08-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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