tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I don't like today I woke up terrified.. again... and not sure why. Terrified.. not sad. mildly anxious... mostly just terror. I wanted to cry but was too frightened to even get to that place where I could react... and the tears could flow. It was like I was holding myself still and in that holding was not able to leave that place of terror. and now... I am uncomfortable ... uneasy... wanting to run.. fast and far away. Morning did not bring relief... it is like mornings when I was little and would find myself waking, frightened, in my safe spot in the attic. The day would not bring relief then from the terror and now. still..I do not feel safe this morning. It is not as if I could go back to sleep and feel safe either. Thinking back... I remember complaining on the drive home... feeling everything becoming too close.. feeling trapped in sensory type memories of which only bring sadness of a kind that I can't explain. Maybe it is the knowledge I am trapped in this place for another year. I still have to get my son thru his last year of school. This morning I am frightened and alone and one step away from pure panic. 6:28 a.m. - 2004-08-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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