tarkis's Diaryland Diary

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I went home last night

So I am unlocking my diary.. I only locked it because the pain was too great and now.. it is just pain.. and I will try and put the pain into perspective..
What has been going on in my life... crap .. always the same...
But... I did go to a Samhein ceremony last night.. actually found this wonderful pagan place and a whole world of people that I did not know existed this close.
The ceremony was wonderful... the campgrounds have a good feel to them. It had rained all morning and I did not want to go but it was something I knew I needed to go to.. especially after making that fateful phone call yesterday morning and she answered the phone.
But anyway I went and when I pulled into the entrance.. the clouds parted and the sun came out... it shone on me and my car.. so pointedly that the old druid.. I knew who he was from seeing his picture on their website.. he came to my car and said.. Quite literally you have brought the sun with you... Thank you.
I knew I was where I was suppose to be.
We wlaked around the gounds.. so mnay wonderful rocks and places.. and stuff... the kind of stuff that calms my soul.
The tears of the morning were forgotten.. I was safe in this place and my soul felt it. I spent the afternoon exploring and discovering.. the pool had been closed for the season but the hot tubs were still usable.. I did not go there... not ready for that.
The winds were blowing and the world seemed alive.. so did I. I met a couple that I knew instinctively I will like.. it was wonderful.
The witches kept mostly to themselves.. they were friendly.. smiles.. but no real interaction.. they were busy with the planning of the ceremony.
We had a potluck dinner... before the ceremony at the stone circle.. the path to the circle lit with many mnay candles... scary in such wind. Great stones...
Since thsi was my first pagan ceremony I was not sure what to expect.. but it was wonderful.. I smiled at some of the rituals.. remembering the time I spent at the HIndu Temple and my Christian upbringing.. and similarities,
I smiled when I drew the Crow.. to go to that circle... how right it was.
I watched the sky.. I had been watching it all day...
The drums took me inward to a spot that I had long forgotten to go to.. that me spot.. and while thinking of ancestors.. didn't think much.. that part of my life is sooo screwed up...
though I did give my grandmother a smile for starting me on a path so long ago that I needed ot go on.
For the first time in many many days... I felt calm nad happy in a peaceful way.
The wind for me was just icing on the cake. I love the wind.. though when trees started crashing.. it brought me quickly to reality and thoughts .. did it land on my car.
It was a wonderful.. very spiritual event for me last night.
It felt good to be where I was.
I was home.

6:50 a.m. - 2004-10-31

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