tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am or will be.. alright! still the connection,, why so strong yesterday? Hmmm... think it is a blend and not exactly sure of the blend but have a good idea... that's why the strength The dog is gone again... not on my porch when I woke this morning and the weather is nasty... hope she found shelter. I would have thought she wanted to stay inside but she has that urge to run.. be in the middle of the forest. She is happiest there and I do understand in a strange way. Maybe it is my fault.. when she was young she was my companion thru many walks in the forest... James and I and Maggie.. when her legs were too small and weak to walk far..we would carry her.. and now she is impossible. She wants to run and seems to be happiest in the forest. I hope she is alright.. at least hunting season is over. I am calm finally. Hard to explain the process of becoming calm but I did travel last night.. to the stars and beyond.. and maybe was comforted. When the hurt got so bad I looked to others for comfort and it only made it worse. I didn't wnat to be alone and so I would date though I am not sure having coffee or accompaning someone someplace is dating. I couldn't even hold hands comfortably... my mind was constantly looking for excuses to drop their hands.. Anyway.. I needed to resolve this within myself.. painting helped.. traveling helped greatly and becoming quiet deep inside where all truth lies helped immensely. I have been dreaming.. though not really remembering.. just waking as if from an experience.. with much love in my heart. I will be fine. I am fine. The best is yet to come. I can feel it. Mornings again.. I wake with expectation and love for what is .. what isn't and what may be. Still can't figure the broken rune yet.. though... hmmm. 8:35 a.m. - 2005-01-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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