tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- just a slice of life My son made the suggestion that maybe it isn't D at all.. Maybe it is someone else and that is why it is so strong... when it was D it was less intense.. less uncomfortable.. but this.. another entity letting me know they are here... with me... I am not alone in my aloneness. we laughed and he said maybe I had a Ben.. as he did for so many years. Maybe it's intenseness is because I am living in the world of sounds.. colors.. emotions.. no longer struggling to hold onto what I think I want, rather letting be what will be. and deep inside.. I am happy. After it passed yesterday, I thought often of D.. without pain.. I could think of him and still stay in that perfect place of calm and laughter.. and peace. and I thought of J as I made plans to attend a function... as I moved closer to the day of moving.. do we have a future? But that is not for me to focus on... I am to live wholly in the moment.. trusting in the gods.. safely rocked in their cradle. I am a child of the gods.. growing slowly.. capable of much but still just a child that needs to learn my path. My son was reading something about in years to come they will have the ability to take our consciousness and put it into a robot of sorts and then we would be immortal. He asked if I would want that.. if I would let them do that to me. I told him..we are immortal now... and no.. I would not want to be a prisoner trapped in metal... I wnat to be free to continue my experiencing.. my growing closer to the god I am capable of being. I explained on the other side I am sure I remember it all.. and that I still have options that I will want to take advantage of.. the enormity of the universe and my desire for more and more.... to discover.. to experience. No.. I will not want to be a captive much like the 3rd servant who took his gold and hid it in the ground for fear of not losing it and so it and he did not grow. when I get the trust thing down completely.... I will have no fears because.. the best is yet to come. My son just shook his head... and then announced.. Mom, I now know what I am... not agnostic or gnostic or catholic... I am an atheist. I choked... and smiled for his path.. Just remember where you are going to college, please.. and keep your thoughts to yourself until you have brought the love of the administration down upon you. an atheist in a predominant catholic university... just a phase.. just a detour on his path of life... I smile... as I remember my own days of worshipping Ra.. on my search for truth. 6:32 a.m. - 2005-05-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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