tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- oh what to do I am so confused... please gods... HELP!!!! and yes, I know it is only because I think what if no one ever again wants me and I have turned him down.. rather than .... I love this man... and it should be.. I love this man.. and want to shout it from the rooftops rather than.. would I be alright.. could I settle... and it isn't even as if we have taken this relationship to a physical level.. we were too good of friends to just have casual sex.. he knew it would have to be.. I was in love... I should think he would expect that is we lived together.. the gods know.. he knows marriage is not in the immediate future... I can't get to that place yet...and Maine is soooo far away... though beautiful and wild and rustic and everything I could be happy in.. it is just ... did we miss our time? and why do you still bring dreams of D to my mind.. and why did he call yesterday... I know he doesn't care.. it is just something for him to think he is being such a good friend checking in on me.. Well, he is not... He is not any kind of friend. He just isn't..actually.. he is the worst kind.. because he is only a friend when it is something self serving.. that is not a friend.. and I don't need a friend that could do to me what he did to me. bottom line.. he is not my friend. but I want to feel again that feeling I felt for him.. when I believed. 8:34 a.m. - 2005-09-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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