tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- was that the flip side? Charlie strutted his stuff again this morning .. pausing a bit to call out to whoever.. spread his wings and show his splendour and then slowly continue on his journey. I saw him last night on his return trip.. and smiled. He had made it thru another day. and so had I. isn't that what it all comes down to..just making it thru another day.. in the best way possible. I read something last night.. about the day to day interaction of a family.. husband, wife, kids.. I laughed and realized.. I will never have that.. never had that. I expected it would come.. I remembered as a child dancing in my room with thoughts of my wedding... thoughts of who that would be... not him personally but the kind of person he would be... and I saw our house... more like a country cottage... in my childhood it had a white picket fence.. and children.. a few at least... 3 or 4 maybe more. as time went on and the boy had a face and the white fence disappeared... I still dreamed. and last night I dreamed... of family I had.. a daughter I did not know... a life unfolding .. a house that was mine but I knew it not... many luxuries... even an indoor swimming pool.. and the dream was in grays ... not even black and white... and I was not happy.. and not sad... I was gray.. and as I dealt with the daughter who had friends over when we ( husband and I, yes, I even had a husband in the dream ) were not home... I knew I did not belong. we were as actors & script ( bad actors at that as we had no passion.. no color )making it thru another day. and there was no laughter, no laughter. and as I look out my window this morning.. with color all around.. another sun filled day... I am laughing. the kid will soon be home.. he called me twice yesterday .. after each exam.. the kid has color... the kid can laugh.
6:30 a.m. - 2006-05-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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