tarkis's Diaryland Diary

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It never was, really, it never was.

It never was.

and yet, how can it feel so fresh.. that pain... that betrayal.

and so last night.. listening to words of another spoken thru the air currents phone..

you know those words.. the ones that make you sit back very very still.. not breathing... not wanting to miss one nuance.. one syllable.. one pause..

and as it was thru the air lines... his face not seeing the change.. he will never know.

It was expected.

and while he spoke.. my mind and thoughts distancing to another conversation... another time..

there was a difference... that other... that was brutal in its mechanisms... callous in its delivery...

and it took what seemed to be forever to get past the shock... yet never getting past the hurt.

moreso, what kind of person was I that could have loved someone capable of doing that to me.

and then back again... listening... what was that.. what did I miss?

did he say those words... pause... did you hear me?

I laughed.. must be static... or I moved.. you know I don't always get reception...

no matter... get a good nights sleep... should be warmer tomorrow.

I miss you.

Smiling, I returned the sentiment... just words.
it is all just words.. I know that now.

and looking out as the sun coming over the hill... warming..

I laugh... and dance.. and sing expelling the night's sleep from my lungs.

It never was.

I got it, friends... it never was.

6:45 a.m. - 2006-05-23

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