tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- face the facts once and for all I think often.. I can go it alone. I can. I think when I meet someone new what life would be like if they were not in my life... would I miss them.. would I want them. and then it kicks in.. that part of me that can't get past him. All these years.. he is still there.. lingering in my dreams.. my wants, my needs... my laughter.. because we could laugh together... that deep soul laughter... and cry. and I can't seem to connect with anyone else.. not the way I need to or want. and I do try.. I really do... from time to time.. ok, well, maybe not so often.. and maybe I don't try so hard as I could.. but the dreams have come back.. and I am trying hard to send out positives.. and laughing when no one is around.. but that golden first light of the day.. reminds me.. the deep green of life.. reminds me.. and orange.. I hear his laugh.. so I try to surround with blue.. and I remember his peace... and I run to purple but I remember trust, those few weeks I trusted. and then red rears his head and I remember what happened then. and I try to get out of that memory.. I try to run to those that make me laugh.. nighttime.. after... memories. and make a conscious effort to throw it all out. how any years will we have to remember.. relive.. how many years before we can move on? We don't want to be alone anymore. 7:54 a.m. - 2007-02-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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