tarkis's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it didn't take much to take me back to that place I must not go to

Drink deeply from the cup of my tears.
Find nourishment in a plate of my vomit.
Satiate yourself, dine regally, pick the carcass clean.
For this will be your last supper.

Think there was a bit of anger there? hurt? I laughed a big guffaw of a laugh when I found this while cleaning thru papers... stuff.. this weekend.. getting ready for the possibilities.

and then it struck me.... that I could do that.. laugh. I wanted to go back and wrap my arms around and say.. it will get better.. but in doing so the memories became too strong as if in the remembering I was giving them life..

and for a bit... it hurt again.. lots.

I told myself I had been recklass.. that I had done this myself.. to myself... and hated finding those words written so long ago... and of course there were others.. lots that I had saved thru the years...

and the possibilities seemed impossible and the void a necessary escape.

and then.... my water froze... bringing me back to the very real world of cause and effect.

and then I laughed.... slamming shut the door on the past... and laughed and danced first in the orange... then calling all to come and dance with me.

and the idea that I could.. not only in the forest or the meadow... but in the here and now... not naked.. fully clothed...

and I understood... and sent out the positives.. energy to attract...

and I understood... and smiled.. and slept dreaming.

realizing - probabilities do exist..

8:00 a.m. - 2008-01-21

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

random entry

other diaries:

mysoulchose
paganscream
planetqueen
jiltedsoul
frambuesa
tou-mou
picean-dream
aschoom
bi-pet