tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So I called I know... I wasn't going to do it .. but I did . I felt him so strongly this morning... differently and yet the same, so I called. Ok... part of me wanted to know exactly how I would feel.. not only talking with him but after... after I hung the phone up... when my heart started to beat in a normal rhythm again... when my hands stopped shaking. So... I called. I listened intently to how his voice sounded... any inflections... and he sounded alright with the fact that I had called. He asked how I was... a topic we can't discuss really... I wasn't calling to stroke his ego... or would I actually have done that... Did he really want to know I am OK? I mean... really OK? He told me how he was... how it's been good? so he says... he also said he is sick... still.. tension.. stuff..... he spoke a little about how they are... and I found myself smiling inside. He apologized again for hurting me... and I knew that in my dream I had forgiven him... that I was no longer angry and in this reality it had carried through. But I couldn't ... wouldn't talk about me or how I am. He wasn't going to work today... he is sick... hmmm.. He asked what my take on all this was... again, I wouldn't tell him. I couldn't tell him what the gods had told me... what the seers had seen.. what I knew... and i understood finally something that has been bothering me since I had my first reading... something they had said made me uneasy and now I understood what they meant. and then... just before we hung up... he ruined it... I asked him if he was alright with me calling... I guess I just wanted to hear that he was glad that I had called.. he didn't understand and his comment was.. yea, it was OK... just don't start calling me everyday... I couldn't take that. Well... FU is what I thought... but I said... I haven't spoken with you since the end of November... and he said... well, I know... but it would just be too hard if you called everyday. then I wondered if he even knew who it was he was speaking with... I never did say my name... he has too many of the same name friends anyway. and then I thought... 38 days was just too soon... or he has someone calling him that he thinks is me... but he won't have to worry because this someone will not be dialing that number anytime soon... for sure. and when I hung up... well, I was smiling... and my soul was free to care for him... but my heart... my heart was getting excited at the possibilities of who may be around the next corner... I am OK... I really am OK... well, WE are OK. 6:13 p.m. - 2003-01-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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