tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the lights I awoke last night to red lights flashing... motors running and my dog barking. I could hear people talking but they never did come to the door... just there and I'm not sure why.. I didn't get back to sleep very well after that. Almost as if it was to prove a point about a conversation I had last night with a dear friend. I was alone last night and I was frightened... for a bit... and I didn't like being alone and feeling those alone feelings that you do when there is no one. My friend and I talked about my needing to get out and meet new people... I told her there was this guy... this guy I technically knew but that we never spoke... basically we were strangers in many ways.. that has been in my mind lately. But... there will have to be some universe type intervening on my part as I will not search him out... though I know where he lives and he knows where I live... but I think he is shy and so am I and I am not sure he would ever look at me that way anyway or what it is exactly I want him to look at me like ... so it is in the hands of the gods. And then I told her I wasn't sure I could depend on the gods help as they always seem to bring reminders of my soul's friend to me instead. and then we talked about the accountant... she thinks he carries with him too much baggage.. I think that because of that baggage and because of my even more so fear of believing what I am told it is doomed to fail before it ever really got started... and we talked about where it would have to go if we took this any farther and I said at least now I can look myself in the mirror with a clear head and not see anything I wouldn't want to. But... I have left my intentions with the universe... i will continue to pray and chant.. and just maybe... just maybe something will come of it.. Tonite I will study what the I Ching told me in earnest... always amazed at what the runes say... and yes, inspite of myself I threw the stones for him also...( I know...I know... it's like peeking in the window )and I will just smile... When do I get to the good stuff? I have eaten my salad... all my veggies.. do you think dessert could come along anytime soon? I had my dessert... but yes, I agree.. it was too soon... but I think now would be a good time... don't you? ( My plea to the god's... I want my dessert... please?) Thought for today... When written in Chinese the word "crisis" is composed of two characters.One represents danger. The other represents opportunity. John F. Kennedy Kind of like the Phoenix rising from the ashes... you think? So who will arise from the rubble of me... a much stronger... yea... yea... yea... 6:32 a.m. - 2003-01-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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