tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Just a day My son and I went to see Chicago last night.. 3 limited showings in our area... so we went. And I remembered my love for the stage and watched as my son, my song and dance man, became once again, in love with the whole atmosphere that surrounds that life style. but it was a good mother and son moment... and he understood more about who his mother really was and I understood him just a little bit better. and we came home early and then the phone calls started. My brother wanted me to go to karaoke.. his friend was there... I declined. My girlfriend called to invite me to go to her son's last basketball game on monday... I accepted... her son wanted me to go though I know my friend is just trying to set me up to meet her uncle.. but I said ok anyway. and then the accountant... I am glad he lives 2 hours away... he can't and doesn't just appear at his whim. I hadn't spoken with him most of the week. his son has been going through some pretty serious testing for the tumor which is ever growing in his head. My son asked me who I would ask to be my valentine? I laughed.. Valentines don't happen at my life style.. not sad... but, they just don't happen. My son says I need to have a valentine... that excitement... he is young and hasn't realized yet...that it really is about nothing. and I thought of my soul's friend... before I went to sleep and hoped that he was ok... I guess, it was not much of a day but yet I feel so good about it. Maybe I am forgetting something that has touched me in some way that I feel is guiding me through something. I don't know.. or don't remember right now... and sometimes that is the best... because it is just there... it didn't have to be understood... it just was. and then you just know.. or was it the dream i had last night... with new players... new scenery... new direction. or was it the place I am looking for and a glimpse of what could be.. but I really don't understand if it is just a dream... nothing more... than why do my feelings in this reality carry over.. my values, my fears, my wants,.... and most of all the intensity of the same loves. this stranger... this new player... asked if there was someone else that helped me with the inn. I told him my son helps when he comes home from college and summers... though he spends most summers writing. and then he said... no one else? and I smiled and I remember that feeling that began in my heart before I said the words Yes, there is someone.. 6:42 a.m. - 2003-02-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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