tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Anticipation Anticipation... one of the pleasures in life... maybe one of the best. Does anything ever live up to the anticipation? Meeting my long lost heart's memory did after all those years... and that first kiss and that first touch... long anticipated and yes, they lived up to what I would have hoped it would be. But.. anticipation.. and where the mind goes to while anticipating is just great. Getting the mail yesterday...seeing that red envelope poking out from the stack of letters... one of the best things about Valentine's is the red and pink envelopes that come in the mail if you are lucky enough. But there it was lying face down so I couldn't see if it was for me. Deep down, if the truth be told, I wanted it to be for my son... He has never gotten a real valentine yet from someone he really really cares about.... so I saw the look on his face as we both looked at the mail.... He wanted so badly for it to be for him... though he really has no one he likes in that way... but just the thought that maybe there is someone... a surprise, maybe. What was it? Who was it for? He turned it over and I saw the disappointment... as he handed it to me.... I turned... did not want him to see how eagerly I looked at the return address.. no..not who I had hoped for... not who I had thought just maybe he could have seen past himself to know how much it would have meant to me.. or cared about how much it would have meant. It became a turning point I think... anticipation...usually better than reality.. but the card was really nice. though it was not signed . Maybe it was not so much forgetfulness as he didn't really know how to sign it.. maybe I am glad for that.. not so threatening. but anticipation... it makes me smile. and in my dreams last night... well, in my dreams.. I was given the valentine I wanted... in just the way I wanted... and the signs once again lately have been everywhere... just when I think I will be OK turning that corner... the reminders are there.. lots.. once again... to hold me back. Anticipation... Hmmm. 7:46 a.m. - 2003-02-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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