tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- epiphany? I went to a different place last night... a place in my dreams I never think I have been.. and I tried to connect to the colors as the aloneness... not so frightening or sad.. just the overwhelmness as I sat in the sand looking out over the water... lots and lots of water. The repetition of the waves, the occasional sound of a bird, the wind blowing over my face... warm breezes... strong but warm. A piece of driftwood sat near by and my mind starting thinking all forms of creativity as i picked it up and looked at its beauty... trying to gain knowledge of its past. and then... a voice... not known... but not scary... as if it was always in my mind said... stop.. center. I put the wood back in the sand and sat still again.. looking out over the water...at the colors in the sky ... did not think about them... just felt... the rolling of the waves and the colors... and I was there. I was there... and I saw the connection to the great I am... that golden cord vibrating... and strangely the connection to my soul's friend was there and it made sense in a way I had not known before or can remember now... but it made sense. I understood. And in that absence of thought... in that absence of rationalizing... in that moment when it is not my will but thine ... I understood... and felt at one with it all. and now this morning.. I don't... at least not all... and already I feel him and in some way i understand and accept it differently and want to call him, because as much as I understand... just as much doesn't. I just know... it is OK... I am OK.... and he... well, when I am not trying to impose my wants on the gods... my human this reality wants... We are ok also. 6:35 a.m. - 2003-02-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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