tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The greatest adventure I looked up from my desk and he was standing there.. smiling as if he was so pleased with himself... as if he alone had caused that smile to cross my face. I was surprised... He lives 2 hours away... what was he doing here... He had a client in the area... actually someone that he is looking to open another office in my area with.... and so he thought he would stop by and surprise me. No... he couldn't stay long... five minutes ... just enough to say HI and see me smile, he said... Hear me laugh .. he said... he likes to hear me laugh, he said. I shook my head and smiled. And then he left to go back to his world and his boys... and i smiled... not because of him... but just that the day had been like that. A smile... feel good day. A day when the sun shone... yes... it actually did and it wasn't a dream. No snow.. now maybe that was a dream.. but no... it was real. The sun warmed me... and I felt my soul's friend much stronger than before... almost as if my soul is keeping me safe.. and I always thought it was me that had to keep my soul and for sure my heart safe. Now I wonder.. And I don't know what to make of it all... go on or try to understand and accept what has taken place and what will take place.. I don't know... but I can't think about the past... I am staying in the void most days now... takes that need to call him away and keeps me focused on what is... or should say what isn't. Not that I am negative in the void... but insulated from the pain of what is. But yesterday was a good day... My boss asked what was going on... he said I glowed.. and walking last night... people turned to look... almost stare.. and i was confused... and many smiles from passer bys... and I wondered.... Did I have dirt on my face? But then... the strangest... as in my walking I came to a decision... there he stood. His hair had been cut and he had lost weight... but there he stood in his black suit and white on white shirt and I stopped and turned around and looked directly at his face... and he was looking at me... no smile.. and I was almost sure... almost positive... but of course he was looking at me with more curiosity than acknowledgement... so it wasn't him... and then I laughed at the methods the gods use for answering or letting me know when maybe I need to rethink something... because at that moment... when I thought it was him standing there... I can't describe how I felt... that if it had been him standing there... how lost the past would have been and how eager I would have been to see him. So... not sure where I am with all this... but I know that I am happy and will be happy whatever the gods put before me... or at least whatever I thought I could handle in my contract before time began. Isn't life the greatest adventure? No... if the god's are reading this... I did not mean I am ready for more crap... I've had enough... thank you. 6:21 a.m. - 2003-02-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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