tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Blue grasses are decieving and she awoke resting on a bed of blue grasses... iridescent blue like the indigo blue of the bird... and the grasses held her... cradled her..covered her and kept her safe. and when she awoke, she was alone in a world, not of her choosing just there. She called out... for anyone... and in the silence heard the sound. And the knowledge carried over and when she awoke again in this reality she listened to the sounds... the undercurrent of noise that had always been there but only lately had she heard. That other world noise... that tie that binds.. the songs that never seem to come from instruments... just soothes and calms the fears. She had tried to travel by herself... she had tried to do it all alone, but once again she had only made it but so far until the unbearable loneliness made her gasp from the pain. She doesn't think there is anyone out there for her... no guides along the way... so she looks for Manny... he has to be there someplace... but she doesn't find him... or in her fear she only sees what she fears. She has lost the cord... lost that tie that will bring her back... can't visiualize her path. There is no boat... no guide acroos the water.. so she goes back to the field.. but the grasses won't accept her this time... they push her out closer to the bank of the river and she is sooo frightened.. so alone... she can't go in the water... she can't go near the water... it is too cold ... the undercurrent too fast.. it will swallow her. She wants her tree... but it's not there.. she wants what was before..this is not safe... and the coldness penetrates as she steps into that water... the grasses pushing ... beckoning the way... There is no other choice... she jumps into that water that covers and frees and terrifies... and at that moment... that moment of perfect fear... perfect understanding.. she screams for her friend. and she awakes. Angry at the tears that cover her face.. angry at her weakness as her hand reaches for the phone. Her mind is still screaming for her friend... he will understand... he will know how to get her safe again. But she doesn't call. She turns on all the lights and covers herself with lots of blankets while sitting in the middle of her bed and the tears just keep falling. Quiet silent tears that seem to come from her soul. And she listens to the sounds. 6:05 a.m. - 2003-02-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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