tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- chance meeting I have just slept for 10 hours... except for a short time when I woke up and got on the computer for about 15 minutes... I slept soundly and in my dreams I spent much time in the gardens of my Inn... the Inn of Happiness or Contentment.... Can't decide... of course... don't have it yet either... but that is just a time thing problem anyway. If I believe... it will be there... isn't that how it is suppose to go. In my mall walking last night I came upon an old family friend.. We had dated when I first moved back here when my son was just a couple of years old... before my marriage that wasn't. He got married.. not sure why.. had he been honest he would have said he didn't love her but thought that this was what he should do. Loneliness makes for many very very bad decisions with many people. Last night he looked so sad as he told me how unhappy they were together. I felt bad for him and asked him when he last had laughed... he couldn't remember. Laughter is such a positive thing. He didn't remember when the last time he had heard laughter in their house... or when he had laughed with his wife last. They just didn't laugh. And I thought how sad. He asked me who was special in my life... I told him no one... then I said... well, there is someone... many miles away... but he does not think about me that way... actually has a fiancee.. so I told him then... No there is not one, I guess.. On the drive home I remembered... why didn't I think to say the accountant? Maybe because I really know I don't have those type of feelings for him. So my friend asked if I was lonely... and I said... at times... but that I won't settle and that the gods will have to pick or search out who it is for me.. If there is someone for me. And then he asked if I wanted to go out with him... I said I didn't date married men.. and we laughed.. then he walked with me half a mallwalk lap and we said goodby. He started to walk away and then turned and came quickly and kissed me... not on the cheek as expected... but actually kissed me and for once I was speechless.. Then he smiled a very big smile and turned and walked away. And now I am wondering what this chance meeting was about... but I thought on the way home how dreadful it would be to live with someone and not be happy... to just exist with each other because you get tired of waiting for the right one.. When he said how they were.. I had told him what I want to find... how it has to be for me... how much I want there to be between the person I give my heart to... what I felt for one week a year ago... that's what I am looking for again. I will find it... Or maybe if the truth be known... he didn't ever leave me as far as I think he has. What a wonderful thought. 6:14 a.m. - 2003-02-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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