tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- good morning finally the rain has stopped and the air is much warmer than I expected. and everything this morning in shades of brown... one of those type mornings... not a morning of contrasts and that does great things for my psyche.. it's a morning of warmth... for me inside where it needs to be. and I love waking up happy.... just happy... not because of what may occur ... just happy. The play last night was just fine... my son is sweet.. and will probably because of that sweetness get treated very badly in the end. He so wanted a girl to come from another town to see it... she had said she would, but didn't. and so he was sad. I had called that guy yesterday from work... the computer guy and made up an excuse why he should not come to see the play... and he didn't and so it worked out fine that I had the time to spend trying to get my son's spirits lifted. In the end, he just got on line last night and talked with his friends. I really hate to see this sadness that my son is going through... and remember my own... and I never want him to have to take that path, though I know it is not in my hands... but his contract... just as mine was mine. Yes, for sure a child of mine...we have spent many lifetimes together... or why else would he choose... so cocky like I... this life plan. L is coming to dinner today... he called last night and made me laugh so hard my insides hurt. I like that about him. He can make me laugh and gives great hugs... kind of clumsy like.. not suave at all.. as if the idea to hug me just came to him... and then he almost pushes me away as if he needs to at that moment or he will start to cross that invisible line and I will run. He will come here, I will make dinner... actually just chili... we decided on it.. and I will give him his birthday present. At the play last night... one of my best friends daughter was in it... she was good and her father... my friend's husband... who my friend is leaving... sat there with tears running down his face, the biggest smile... his eyes so focused on his daughter... who was quite good at her very young age... and that moment touched me so... a father's pride and love for his child.... I don't know why I can't get his face out of my mind... I just keep seeing that moment.. seeing his energy and it was so so good. strange how things effect you. I love waking up feeling this way... 6:56 a.m. - 2003-04-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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