tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- back in my dreams He was back in my dreams and I didn't want him to be ...but he was there. He has never left and it seems as if I have been working on so many things in my dreams lately... and I still keep waking in the night... as if being shaken awake... and then once awake... not able to get back to sleep so I'm being given lots of time to think. But in my dreams he entered my room... my room with the pillows and cloths... and the elephants raised their trunks as if to blast him for daring to enter my sacred place... but he was there and at first I did not notice... I dancing.. so lost in my dance and then as I fell back into my pillows I saw him. What are you doing here I asked... not wanting him there in my private place... He said he needed my help... he had lost something... maybe someone... but whatever it was he had lost what he really needed. so I asked why he had come to me to find it... go look to the places you know... he said he already had and that now he was here because he hadn't found it there and didn't know where else to go. I remember smiling at him...but it wasn't the smile of acceptance... and it wasn't a good smile.. and my heart was not in a good place to him... actually I felt angry and impatient... it is as they said... I told him... you reap as you sowed... dance in my pillows...swirl my cloths around you... in my golden room for a bit and maybe you will find what you lost so long ago. and I walked out of my room... into the forest... but it was not my forest.. another.. more jungle looking... big green plants and very tall thin trees... and it was so humid and warm. and as I twirled looking at everything around me the old man of my past dreams was there. I ran to him smiling... so happy to see him but he had a different look about him. He hugged me and I was so happy with him... but then he held me away from him and asked how I was. I told him I was happy but not sure of my surroundings and how to get back to my forest and my room. I asked him could he show me my way and he smiled and said that is why he was there. He asked about the other... the one I had left dancing in my room... he asked why I hadn't tried to help. I protested and said I had...I let him use my room... He smiled so gently and said... that was not help... that was your room... it can not help him... not for his journey.. it will only give him comfort on his way.. you wanted him to stay in a place of stagnation for him because you couldn't forgive what he had done... because your pride was hurt that he had gone another way before he could wander your way again. It was his life plan... remember? I laughed... and understood exactly what he was saying and hugged the old man... he knew me so well and yet loved me. I will go back I whispered to the old man but when I opened my eyes he was gone and I could see the lights from my room shining through my forest. I stood in the opening of the room and watched him dancing in my pillows... tears running down his cheeks and it was hard to explain what I felt... but the tears seemed to burn inside me... and I ran to him picking up a cloth of the most serene green... I knew someohow that its green would heal his tears... I stopped him from dancing and started to dry his tears... and the green was healing him... somehow I knew... and the colors danced around us... I getting caught up in their dance... and not sure what happened next... just like how I woke up feeling this morning... even though when I come home from work today... it will be to a foot of snow.. 6:17 a.m. - 2003-04-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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