tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- what is it all about, really? and darkness came to her dreams.. darkness. and in the center of that darkness a table.. those folding card table types. A crystal bowl sat in the middle of the table with a gold candle... the only light in the room. She stood there waiting.. not sure for what... not sure why.. knew there wasn't another place she should be... so she stood there silent and still. and then just as suddenly she was in a car... driving up and down hills.. the top was down and D was driving and they were going fast and the sun was shining and they were laughing and singing to the songs on the radio while fields of strong healthy corn stalks on either side passed by. and then they were there... their destination. they ran as they left the car.. he grabbing her hand and pulling her with him... up the sand dune. and there it was ... the ocean and the waves were crashing on the shore. and people were there and she pulled back. He was gentle and said ... no... it is time... don't pull back.. it is alright... you will see. and she said ... I can't do this... and I said ... leave her alone. he laughed and said... watch.. you will see it is alright. and he walked away. She sat there wishing she had gone with him... but knew she couldn't... and the drums started... and she felt their beat... and she watched the fire burning... and she wanted to dance with them... but she couldn't leave the dune. so she danced alone. and he looked up and saw her then and smiled.. he came and touched her shoulder and led her down... she was ready. and they danced. such a strange dream last night. we didn't leave yesterday and thinking about how it would have gone had we left... it is almost as if intervention was given. Had we left... we would have left before the phone call from D came. We would have left... gone all that way and not seen him because that is what I would have thought he wanted. But my car.. more problems.. so we didn't go. and he called and it was not like that at all. Life is difficult and strange most times, I guess. So last night I got tickets to go to see Phantom of the Opera today.. a matinee so if the car breaks down at least it won't be late at night. and I will still take the time off work.. maybe to get things done around here... maybe to go check out other schools in my son's dreams... tro look for another car.. and maybe we will go another time to see this school... to see my ... don't even know what to call him... maybe. today life feels difficult and I feel like the K of me is losing ground to the others. and she needs to... because k is full of hope and wonderment and love... and that's just not how life really is. at least not her life.
7:31 a.m. - 2003-04-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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