tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Over... with the scent of my perfume the smell of my perfume on the car's seatbelt sent his son into a tizzy. He had smelled it before, he accused. and this was the son I thought possibly would be more accepting. Well, so much for that. and it wasn't that it had to be very much accepting... just accepting that his father was seeing someone once in awhile. and if the one I thought would be OK.. or at least civil is like this .. how much worse will it be with the other? Will either of us want to deal with any of it? and then there's my son... who is civil at best... he still likes the other even if he is angry with him at the moment. I am glad he can distinguish the anger from what he thinks or feels. maybe it is not meant to be... only as much as the reader said... and she said" I didn't tell you to sleep with him.. I just said to go out.. have fun.. he has something you need." It was nice to hear his voice last night though.. friends type nice. and everything went well at work. my co-worker says it is never as bad as what I fear.. I had hoped she would be correct. She was. He called me into his office... I had said if he starts to be rotten that I would just excuse myself and vomit... he said he wanted me to listen in on a call so I would know exactly what is happening. I did some quick prayers to the gods above and sat as quietly as I could... trying to keep my breathing slow and silent. and it went just fine.!!!!! My judgement call had been the right one.. he had only spoken in frustation and though at the time he meant it... now I am not sure he even remembers saying it.. for sure, he never asked why was this not done. and my dreams last night... still filled with D.. working on stuff... almost as if he was the teacher and I a very confrontational student of sorts..and I woke up with the strangest feelings towards him.. not sure exactly what it is... lately, sometimes not sure exactly who I am.. almost as if there is another player here that I am not truly aware of. but the weather is great.. I will work more on my flower beds tonight.. maybe even work on my bathrooms if I get the time... or maybe this weekend... but I love hearing the birds this morning... I love how I am feeling.. all this before the runes... hmmm. 6:15 a.m. - 2003-04-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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