tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- my palms are tingling sometimes when you least expect it... that turn of the wheel and you come full circle back to the place you started at. Yesterday was like that. The last Sunday School class retreat went well.. I cried when I said goodby to one of my teachers... he will be leaving for college in the fall.. graduating from HS in June. He was my first student... the boy I'll never forget that first morning as I asked if he had a special place that he went to pray... his place.. and he did and he explained his place in the forest.. where he went when the hurts of life got him down... he was such a little boy at that time... and yet so full of hurts... and at once I felt so close to him... we always seemed to understand each other. So saying goodby even for the moment seemed difficult at best. and then when I got home.. on my answering machine.. D had called. How to explain the jump in my heart.. I called him back... and we talked... for quite awhile and I told him we may come his way soon... so much I wanted to tell him but didn't. and then in my dreams... how to explain that? I'm stuck. and we talked about my others.. I know they make him really uncomfortable... that he wants it to just be me.. the K of me... but the k of me is who he really doesn't want because the k of me loves without reason... the k of me accepts him as he is... the k just loves him in the way that time does not touch nor distance matter... for the k of me it has always been just him...no.. he really does not want the k of me... and that's why the others. and strangely that's why the others did not poke their heads out when he was here with me... because the k just soaked him in... as much as he would allow.. because for the first time in her life.. she was contented and happy... so... he is the solution and the cause.... at least the cause for their re-emergence so strong in the last year.. he put to sleep most... her love was stronger than most of them... their only reason for being is to protect her and when they can't ,... for the most they become fond memories. But now I'm back to the beginning... again.. no further along with forgetting him.. and the dreams last night... I wonder if he dreamt the same. hands... my palms and chakras still tingle. 6:25 a.m. - 2003-05-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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