tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I finally was able to say goodby the dead "Indian" of a dream I had a couple of nights ago has haunted me for the last 2 days... because of the emotions I had when I saw him... I knew he was very important in my life.. very important to me in a strange way. Last night I understood... my dreams... my waking memories..all seemed to finally make sense. My journeying to the stars the night before gave me a peace that I can't put into words... gave me something that I can't quite remember but know I needed and last night the answers. My old man was in my dreams last night... we were at a village in the forest and it was festival time... or some kind of jubilant time and I was sitting on a rather large stone not really participating.. just watching. The old man came and sat by me and asked what was wrong... why was I not one with the others? I told him he hadn't come back... something was wrong.. I wasn't feeling him so strongly... I told him I had to go look for him but everyone tells me not to go.. to stay where I am and he will come back... but I have to go look for him.. he could be wounded.. hurt... he could need me. The old man looked at me sadly and said go if you must... listen to the gods... they will guide you.. and in my dream I left... and wandered... and the trees would tell me if they had seen him pass by... and in what direction to go... and I listened. and I found him... and the one I had been looking for was the dead Indian of my dream a couple of nights ago... but he wasn't dead... just collapsed on the ground... I held his head in my arms as the tears flowed down my cheeks and wondered how to get him to safety... he was dying and needed nourishment...and I did not know what was wrong. He looked up at me and very weakly said he knew I would come and that he loved me... I told him I loved him too... and held him tighter... and in my dream... he died... and I sobbed and held him for a very long time... rocking him into the otherworld. and I brushed his long hair from his face... and took leaves to wipe the dirt from his face.... and gathered rocks to make a fence of sorts around him as if that would keep him safe. I covered him with leaves... the prettiest and best and wild flowers that were growing and ferns from the forest floor... and I asked the gods to keep him safe for me.. give him all the comfort he needs until I get to see him again. Kissing him one last time I walked away... slowly. and now... I guess I understand more than I ever had before... who I am... who D is to me... why I felt the intenseness with him and no one else. maybe now I will be able to move forward. Something that started lifetimes ago... I finally got to say goodby. 7:25 a.m. - 2003-05-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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