tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- today feels right and I am thankful I threw the stones this morning.. I haven't in a few days.. caught up in the sadness of the past. 3 times... though not so much because I think there is anything between D and I anymore but because for so many lifetimes a part on him has been with me that it feels right. The runes... always there to guide me and give me hope. I understand why the old man was so sad to see me go.. he knew when I finally said good by it would leave me in a place I have never been.. and in that place alone. I have never felt quite this way.. never felt quite this calm.. never quite understood as I do now. and as sad as I am I know he is looking on from some distant shore and saying to go live my life now... until we are together again. So where is D in all of this? different realities... but now when he comes to my mind.. now when I feel our connection ( and surprisingly I still do )... I see the D of the picture... not the D my soul played with... not the D of the past... not the D of my dreams. Looking back, looking at the now, looking towards the future. and feeling finally as if the world is so open to me and it is time to make some very important choices. and L...well, I gave him the opening.. I tried to let him into a place of me that I don't let anyone into.. my place of fear.. and co-incidentally???? he couldn't realize that because he was in a place I had never seen before in him... his place of anger... though not directed at me. co-incidences...hmmm.. had he been able to understand what I was offering, and the timing being what it is... I may have actually considered if we could be an "us" or at least on that path. Co-incidences... they guide me, I think... the hands of god.. with a great sense of humor. So this morning... with great thoughts of "I was loved once" I am excited about what the day might bring. and so thankful to the gods for giving me the glimpses of what was. 6:22 a.m. - 2003-05-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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