tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- our connection so I left everything in the hands of the gods... and what did I get for it?????????? Peace. and laughter. and the connection that does not let up. Two words... he can't know what they did to me ... just two words... how easy I am. The old man came to my dreams last night and asked me the question once again... I laughed when I said no I had not ... because maybe in some small way I understood what it is I am to say... and if what I understood is not the reason why.. how much more is there? the old man laughed and asked about L... wanting me to explain why it hurt me so... they were just words and laughter.. he made me spell it out the differences between that hurt and D's hurt to me. He made me understand why I would not accept the words or laughter from L that made me uncomfortable with who I am. and I thought of D then and understood a little more and why I could accept the pain he caused me.. and I understood as he explained why I needed to experience that. and the most gentle of feelings came over me.. as if D were the most precious gift I had been given.... and i thanked the gods for him. and the old man smiled as I understood in one moment and realized in the next that I understood nothing once again. I will leave it in the hands of the gods.. it is much too complicated for me.. correct conduct.. hmmm But today... the connection.. at work and so strong... I laughed as I knew it was payback time for another moment in time when I had pushed that connection. our connection... finally i understand.. i think. 3:56 p.m. - 2003-06-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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