tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ten days and counting last night I saw my son growing up.. right before my eyes. he had called the "girlfriend" and had been talking to her for about an hour... I walked into the room where he was talking with her... before he saw me... and just watched him... not really hearing what he was saying but just looking at his expressions.. when he saw that I was there.. he told her just a moment , his mother had come into the room... he asked me very politely was there anything I needed or wanted from him.. I smiled and said no... just remember you have regents tomorrow and will go to bed early... typical mother stuff. but I knew... deep inside me... my son was starting that process... leaving the mother if not physically.. emotionally. Not sure how I felt about it... It has just been the two of us for so long. and now it's not. there is a special bond between mothers and sons... especially when that is the family unit... a language that they both speak... I thought then about why he so easily accepted D into our house... why he still can accept D and why he will not accept L. Mothers and sons. I truly was given a gift when my only child was the boy I always wanted. and yesterday... personally... a release.. a shifting... a change. Not sure what it means to my life yet.. to my connection... it was just there and i was grateful as the connection was so intense... so uncomfortable... but it changed. and with that change came peace in a way I hadn't experienced before. One day maybe I will understand it all... one day maybe. ten days and counting... 6:21 a.m. - 2003-06-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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