tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- just a day I slept for 10 hours last night... for the first seven.. I didn't move... woke up .. turned over and slept again soundly for the next 3. Why am i so tired? I am not depressed.. that has never really been an issue for me. at first I thought it was because I hadn't seen the sun.. we had so much rain.. but now.. I just don't know.. the sun is out. it is not really cold.. besides even if it was, with all the hot flashes lately I would not have felt it. I just don't understand.. but I am still sleepy.. feel like I could close my eyes and be asleep again in minutes. or maybe it is just I need more time off from work.. new surroundings... something to energize my soul.. soon... very soon.. one week from tomorrow my son and I will head west.. we are excited.. I may even see old friend D.. though I keep waiting for the phone call or the e-mail that says.. I don't think this is a very good idea..we will go even if it comes.. just not see him. and my son and his girlfriend.. he needed to talk last night.. his girlfriend has the same name as I... he says she told him the reason she wanted to go out with him is that he makes her laugh.. she likes how she feels around him.. her mother died in this past year and she has been so sad. She cut her wrists in anger and sadness when the mother died.. unexpectedly in a car accident. My son asked me what I thought of that. I have had to think long about that as I look at the scars on my wrists. I understand, of course, but that does not mean that it is what I want for my son... but of course, I did not say that. He also said she doesn't trust many boys, he is her first boyfriend ( of course, she is only 15 - how many should she have had.. but I smile when he says that) ...she says my son is different.. so gentle and polite and funny... I am glad he wants to tell me about their relationship. I ask him will they sit together on the bus to the next parade.. he says.. of course... I don't have to say much more.. it is a day trip... the bus will be home before dark.. but he says... don't worry Mom.. I will be a gentleman.. she is not like that.. and then he says something that makes me want to just hug him as my eyes start to water... she has been hurt enough with life already.. he says.. I don't want to do anything to make things worse for her. My son is turning into a fine young man. I am proud. and L e-mailed me.. he wants to get together for dinner.. to talk.. he is sorry.. what do I do? hmmmm 6:17 a.m. - 2003-06-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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