tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the parts of me do not make up the whole I wanted to travel last night.. I wanted to reach the other side where I know there must be someone .. at least one entity cheering me on... you know, just so I wouldn't feel this aloneness... my dreams have left me it seems and I can't even rouse Alex or the others.. the old man gone... helping others much more important I should think.. I just wanted to feel special.. important to someone.. loved. so I fell asleep trying... hopeless.. and when I awoke.. it was to a sea of randomness and I saw floating in that blackness... shapes.. I saw the blackness as all around me and the shapes.. so familiar, yet I was afraid. and when they got closer... when I started to look more intently... I realized sadly.. the shapes were me.. parts of me. My first thought before I lost the ability to think was that they were needed and I tried to think of a way to put us back together,,, and then I thought.. for what.. and I didn't wnat to go through it all again ... and I cried out for help.. just before I lost me... just before I lost the ability to think... just before I saw more parts leaving and when I tried to think I couldn't get a thought out.. my thoughts were partial.. like me. and an aloneness that I can't put into words overcame me.. and then I knew.. this is my life.. and no one is there to help. trust in the gods... rest in his hands.. believe.. but as a lone tear runs down my cheek.. why did I have to go it alone? It's too hard... I can't do this anymore. If I didn't have my son to worry about.. I would be one of those people that just disappear..no foul play.. just one day they walk away. maybe I will find me when we go away for a bit.. just a few more days..or maybe I am too lost to ever be put togther again. Just a bad few days I guess... that braid again... that braid of our lives... I hate it when I am on the outside.. but at least I know it is getting near the end. 6:10 a.m. - 2003-06-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||