tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Not playing with a full deck just a few more days and once again... on the road... seeing new things.. experiencing new places. not what I had thought it would be... and it is not as if I understand the gods in the least... I asked a very pointed question... was given a very direct answer... or so it seemed.. and now? are the gods having fun at my expense? I'm tired...another restless night. the runes this morning... if I could only understand... but I did like what they had to say... all three times.. if I go to the void.. pull the veil down on my thoughts and hopes and wants and loves.. become nothing.. then I am closer to ??????? I use the void to escape.. so how is that better.. ah..could it be that the old ones were trying to tell us.. just get though this existance and it will be better.. just get through... nothing much matters in this reality.. it is so harsh and people so unbelievably cruel... and when the hardness becomes too much... the void.. the god's hands are always there to rest in... yesterday I still felt our connection..and I didn't want to. and I struggled against it until my soul cried to me to stop... and then I felt strange... so very dizzy... the connection so strong.. and I wanted to know why. It's time to get out and meet new people.. I need to find my place. I hate this loneliness... not so much because I am alone but that there is no one who will accept me for just me.. that I can be exactly who I am and that would be enough for anyone. There is no one that I can tell my fears to... that will understand my pain or that will care enough to want to comfort me in that pain. There is just no one.. and as the years go by it is hard to keep feeling positive that there will ever be that someone.. not in my cards I guess. Play the hand your dealt. 6:19 a.m. - 2003-06-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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