tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- today's the day that the gods have made Waking up in one's own bed with one's possessions near by.. that feeling of familiarity.. even to the sounds of the birds outside my window.. the mourning dove with it's soulfilled cry.. and all the others calling..waking up the day. It feels good to be home.. to see my flower beds ..how well they are doing.. to feel my forest... to dance in my shadows.. how familiar my night. no dreams..again.. when the dreams stopped I thought maybe I still was dreaming but that the veil had been pulled down and I was shielded from what ever I was working thru.. wouldn't take much to figure that one out.. or why I am being prevented from remembering.. but I'm just not sure.... sometimes I feel as if the dream is still there.. I just can't seem to find the path to it. but I am at peace.. I was worried that when I came home the peace that I found in the forests would be gone. and I am not even angry with D anymore.. not sure what exactly I am feeling towards him.. but it is not anger. my son though.. well that is another story.. we talked very openly about this.. we had lots of time to talk and he will not be pressuring me about D anytime soon. He explained his ideas on active and reactive type people.. and the kind of person he sees D as.. now. we did not find our place.. not even a hint of where we are to be.. it is still out there.. my brother called last night with another scheme.. this time he wants me to buy an ice cream shoppe that went out of business last year... but he doesn't understand the unbearable loneliness I feel when I set foot in that town.. and not sure why.. just that it makes me feel very bad. so still looking... and it was good to throw my runes when I got home.. I hadn't taken them with me.. I didn't want to take the chance that they would say to see D.. I know.. that's pretty bad isn't it? but he made me so angry.. actually the anger was at myself because I had let him just suck me right back into his web.. so easily... with just a few phone calls.. I know now he was just bored and I just someone to boost his ego a bit.. nothing more. That was the hardest thing to deal with... understanding how little he cared. But I do understand and I am alright.. because... cause and effect... and... I just can't wait for him to get his!!!!!! I know.. I know.. not charitable of me... but.. it sure does put a smile on my face! 7:25 a.m. - 2003-07-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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