tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What have I done? This last week has gone by so fast and now my week of vacation is almost over. and i am trying to stay optimistic.. that the world is at my fingertips.. I am trying to gain perception.. gain strength from the natural world.. that world that seems to have gone on forever and will go on forever and we will just be fleeting glimpses that were once visitors.. moments in time. I went to an art gallery and saw some of the masters' works this past week. The amazing part to me is that they have lasted... nothing lasts.. yet, they have lasted. Some by artists that were not thought highly of at the time. They are evidence of the history of life.. how nothing much has changed... yet everything has. Creativity.. how a part of all of us it is. That feeling when we accomplish something that wasn't before. an etching on a wall inside a cave.. 4,000 years old..2,000 years before modern time.. or the A D era. I almost could see the person drawing... I almost could feel what they were feeling... inside that cave.. drawing. Time and awareness.. as time passes.. in my mind and heart it has not. Time ages visibly and for some that aging happens inside also.. it hasn't for me qnd so sometimes when I look in the mirror, I'm not sure of who I see. Flights of fancy... is my life just one flight of fancy that I will wake from? Last night in my dreams I saw my village... but from a distance..as if I, a bird.. soared overhead. and the colors of the village... the browns and the greens.. grew vibrant to my eye as if I were seeing the living color.. not the color we try to put on a painting. the warmth of the sun and the coolness of the forest combines and at that perfect moment of combining.. that moment when colors are equal... I flew into that moment. that perfect moment. and in that moment each molecule of life... each particle of color... was assigned a task.. a duty.. and in their grouping.. their assisting each other.. true color was formed and visible.. and I saw myself as so many parts of life.. some stronger.. some weaker.. so many different colors... but I could not find my task. actually I could not find all of me in that moment.. as if we all are missing what we will never find.. and that the search is what is hampering our progress and only acceptance our destiny. and as the colors swirled around me and time became what was and what is.. and I understood the future as what will never be and yet, what has always been. and when I woke.. I thought about connections. and understood little.. and understood much. Connections.. if we are given that special glimpse into our connection with each other.. our relationships how fragile... how wrong is it to deny a part of that connection because it is not what we want or the way we want it in our simple mindedness? Have I done an injustice to myself? to him? Colors, connections... time.. all relative.. I guess. 10:19 a.m. - 2003-07-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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