tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 35 years 35 years.. that's what the letter said.. that is what I know to be fact.. 35 years and now it's time for another class reunion. I won't go. and then the phone call... why not? and how is D? I don't want to deal with any of it. I won't go. Now to find something else to do next weekend and then I will have an excuse... I don't want to have to tell anyone the truth... I don't want to bring up the past.. not even this past year.. not even this past month. I don't want to say.. I really don't like most of you... I really don't care what you have done or failed to do. I have my own failures to work through. I don't want your sympathy and certainly not your encouragement. and then my brother called... S will probably be there.. he goes to them all.. you would get a chance to see him. Big deal... I would not have the courage to approach him. last night .. another turn in the circle of life.. at least for my son. he went to a party leaving me to go to the fireworks alone.. so I didn't go.. and I wasn't sad.. just alone. but my son went to this party and got along well. His girlfriend was not there ( thankfully I smile to the gods ) and he had fun ... just as he is suppose to have. I see him in this relationship and I can't help but notice how normal he seems .. how easy he is.. they are... and I'm glad that he is not screwed up mentally like I was already at his age. That's when it hits me.. when I realize just how messed up I still am.. I always was. but that's another topic not meant to go into today. because nothing much really matters. 35 years... and still haven't found that one... still haven't found MY place in life.. what are the odds that I ever will? 7:22 a.m. - 2003-07-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||