tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- how much niicer could it be The thought that I will probably never see him again hurts this morning more than I can deal with. The realization that it was all my doing hurts even more. I chose this path and now that it is too late, I know I chose wrong. Is it because much like the forest path that I delight in all covered with the roots of old trees.. knotted and gnarled.. I chose this more difficult path to walk? Is it because at the end.. when the walk is finally finished.. the reward will be all the greater for the more difficult the path? Or is it merely I am a silly old woman still lost in her dreams? Will I ever find the door.. the broken hinged door.. that upon opening will lead me to the correct path... that will lead to my happiness? How can I miss him so? Last night I went to an outdoor concert with L.. our relationship has changed.. we are friends and enjoy each other's company.. I think for both of us it makes the loneliness of this reality a little more bearable. No talk of love or us or plans for the future.. just two friends enjoying the Philharmonic... maybe that is why it hurts so this morning...as nice as last night was.. how much nicer would it have been had we been a couple and in love as we watched the couples around us.. always the watcher.. the one longing from afar. but going to get this morning's paper.. a new rock was left on my doorstep.. and a smile it left in my heart as I realized.. not everyone has forgotten me... my wee friends are still there for me. Thank the gods for that..as this morning I feel very alone. 8:35 a.m. - 2003-07-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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