tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- how long do I have? so today it is back to the job... the job that may be ending sooner than we thought... the phone call came this week.. when they could not reach me they e=mailed.. not looking good and not sure I want to go to C to live.. not sure I want to work with J.. not sure he would be capable even if I were there.. but am I just afraid to take the chance? or should I go see P when all is said and done.. the competition... surely he wpould want to employ me if only to throw it in their faces. hmmmm... what to do... what to do. the paycheck will continue on thru the end of this year.. that I was promised and the bonus. Did I get it in writing? No.. verbal promises.. do I dare trust or believe? But the job may not last and did I spend this week searching out new avenues?... new ideas? old dreams? Of course not.. that would have been too logical. Did I put everything in the hands of the gods when all the signs were there? No, of course not... that would have set my life on the right path... maybe. Or is it I just want to continue wandering down paths already trod but comfortable. Why did I not go to where I had planned? Because I could not face him as a friend.. knowing I wasn't special to him. so was it better to go and skirt the issue? Hardly. But yesterday I felt the connection again.. so strong.. I almost reached for the phone to make sure he was alright.. almost... but I didn't. I was happy we were still connected and at the same time just as happy that the feeling quieted after a time. But i have decided to get on with my life.. to try the dating crap once again.. who knows.. maybe this time my prince charming will be out there. maybe this time soemone's smile will captivate my heart.. who knows.. but I do know I need to find my place soon. and it is raining outside... did I remember to put my cra windows up last night? such a nice start to the work week. 6:38 a.m. - 2003-07-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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