tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So I told the truth I lied yesterday.. to D. He called me at work and in my shock.. no that's not right.. not shock.. well, I was shocked that he called but that is not why I lied... I just did not want him to know that I was not that strong. So I lied and it bothered me all day.. the lie part... the trait that I can't stand in another... and it happened so easily ... the words just came out. But I called last night and told him the truth.... made me feel better... and i guess in some way I needed to talk with him because it made me feel better in other ways .. not just because of the lie. and then I asked him to come visit this weekend.. the words just came out.. so easy. He could see his friends...we could see each other... the alumni dance... and he said he would think about it. He would think about it. I will not get excited yet.. my son was still up when I got off the phone last night. He smiled when I came in his room... I asked how he would feel if D came for a visit.. He smiled.. this weekend? and he smiled again. and then the dream came... of many doors opening and shutting.. of a clown type person that seemed vaguely familiar leading down hallways to doors that only closed when I approached. but it was neither frustrating nor sad... almost as if a game to see could I get to the door before it shut upon me. and then the sound of a flute... a lone flute.. and then many.. and their tune was as a memory.. so deep inside my being. I looked for its source and ran up one hallway and down another but didn't find it. and there... the open door.. unlike the others, this with sunlight streaming in and I ran to it and it did not shut. and I was in a forest.. a small opening in the trees and there sat a piano. I sat down and started to play the tune that the flutes had played as my fingers became one with he music. and the music cleansed me... as if my soul was in a washing machine of sorts. When I woke up this morning I understood.. a little.. and when I think of D, well, I'm smiling. and who knows... maybe I will get to see him this weekend. Maybe. 6:14 a.m. - 2003-07-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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