tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Subjective? so last night was my first night of karate... I am sore this morning. it was fun but .. I am so out of shape.. but I'm getting better.. my weight is down to it's lowest in years.. I'm fitting into clothesI do not have, I walk regularly... my asthma is getting better.. I did not have to use my emergency inhaler last night even after the intense workout. I am ok... or will be... at least, on the path.. and the dreams came back last night.. though not what I expected.. not what I hoped for. Bad dreams... full of anger... anger at my mom... anger at stuff I can't explain or don't want to explain. albeit justifiable anger. and in the dream I got angry... not hurt.. anger.. and I didn't just lash out at others or myself... but got angry and handled stuff in what I can only explain as a more healthy way of dealing with it. and I took back something that was mine... an old faded pink satin jewelry box... not worth much except to me.. and inside it was filled with trinkets of my life... gemstones... moments of time.. memories not lost just forgotten... stolen... little bits of me. The feeling as I opened the box... knowing I was in possession of me... in possession of this moment.. how to explain a more complete me.... a little more complete anyway. and there tucked away in the box... the ruby I had left on the shore so long ago it seemed ... and a unicorn was there... many things... many memories... many parts of me. and I wondered if in my absence of dreams had I been gathering... working through.. how nice my dreams came back today.. my b-day.. not special.. just an old girl's day but I feel like I have been given a present.. a present of freedom. no longer angry.. no longer sad.. full of wonder of what this me in this moment of time will experience today. so... everything really is all subjective... what I considered a bad dream at first glance... when looked more thoroughly may have been one of the best I have ever had. Maybe. 6:19 a.m. - 2003-07-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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