tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- so they came back so it's a really rainy morning.. and I woke to the silence when the electric went off for a bit and my fans stopped running. dark and dreary morning. I walked through my forest in my dreams last night.. walking.. I felt happy to be there... happy to touch my trees.. happy for the smells of the coolness.. I felt its green.and in the distance I saw a light and I walked towards it.. I knew what it was and I was walking back towards where I had left. and when I got close.. I can't explain the happiness I felt.. or the completeness... walking back from where I had run so fast away. I twirled in my dream... laughing and peaceful... hands reaching to the sky... I was home. the golden warm light that shone from the cottage windows.. I stopped under a big tree.. sat down and looked all around me as this is what I loved most and what was contained within those walls.... a few minutes more and I would go in. The door opened spilling the golden light onto the cobbled stone pathway.. I held my breath not sure I was ready to see him... not sure I wanted him to see me ... not yet.. and then I felt concern... fear.. as if I did not know who would come to the doorway.. I hoped that the shadows would hide me from whoever.. I heard a sound and turned... my old man was sitting on the roots of another tree smiling.. I jumped up to run to him... so happy that he was there.. so warm in his smile. I turned to look back to make sure I was not seen... and a shadow crossed the doorway.. I stopped... not wanting to be heard.. eager, yet aware that if I cross the path to the old man.. I will be seen and not sure of the person that will see. Nothing happened so I turned and ran the short space to the old man.. his arms welcoming me.. I sat down and had so many questions but could not speak for fear of being heard by whoever. and then a man appeared in the doorway with a plate of milk and some bisquits... he put them down on a large stone... and I heard him sigh as he turned... maybe tomorrow ... he said. I sat frozen... at once so happy to see him and at the same time so sad and fearful. I looked to the old man when the door had shut.. I asked him what did he suppose he meant when he said maybe tomorrow.. he just smiled.. he asked me what do I say everyday when the days do not turn out to be what I want but what I need... maybe tomorrow.. in my thoughts and in my actions... maybe tomorrow.... would he be so different? I just shook my head... how could he know... and why did it have to be him.. why did I come back to this place.. I thought I had gotten far away..I turned to ask the old man what I was suppose to do now... but he had gone.. and I was left alone looking at the light coming from the windows.. I don't remember much more... just waking this morning so restless.. and he isn't far from my thoughts. I should have expected this... I felt our connection yesterday... strong... I wanted to call.. but I didn't. secretly though... I was soooo glad to feel it... to know I crossed his mind a little yesterday as he did mine, 6:27 a.m. - 2003-07-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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