tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I will enjoy this night that I have been given and the rains didn't stop yesterday, turning roadways to rivers.. flooding my yards and flowers beds, bringing stuff from the hill down to my yard. But... I got some great wood to use as walking sticks... I will fancy them up a bit... some black wood came down... not sure what that is as I do not know my woods as I should. The storms yesterday ...extreme weather... it does something to people's nature. I fear my mother is very sick... she will go to see about a spot on her lungs or back.. or spine or kidneys... but a spot and she is scared... she has been sick lately in lots of ways... and that makes me realize I have to settle my anger with her. It is not something I can talk with her about... therapists have told me I needed to do that... I tried and she just started screaming and turned it all about herself and what she went through as a child... as if that justified my childhood. and then I think.. maybe I don't have to settle anything.. maybe that is just how it is sometimes.. people have issues.. people do things that affect others lives in many dramatic ways... some good some bad... so why do I feel I have to put to rest soemthing that happened so long ago.. and it isn't even an event that needs to be laid to rest.. it is a childhood. I don't think so... even now.. just thinking this little bit.. just touching the edges is more than I want to deal with... so back to more pleasant thoughts... karate went lousy last night... exhausting ..but I just couldn't seem to remember the moves... of course, I did not practice at home over the weekend as I should have..so it is my own fault.. but it still was fun. and going to karaoke is turning into a family event... one that I think I will not attend.... and I have my mother to thank .. she has suggested to everyone I know that they should go to karaoke... even a cousin of hers that I do not even know... oh yeah, she says... K will pick you up... or my sister... or my sister's boyfriend... or my other cousin... etc...etc.. now I know she wants to go... but I'm not doing this..NO... I say NO.... even my friend that went with me is inviting people and we know how I do in crowds.. so I'm not going... No.. but tonite I have nothing to do and so will enjoy the night. 6:42 a.m. - 2003-07-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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