tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am still & always have been - in love he wants to know about my anger... what happened to it. It was the dream.. he will not understand.. but the dream.. He was there standing... our eyes met and his smile ... his look... so happy and hopeful.. but I, in my anger turned my back and at that moment of turning... I remember his face. So full of hurt... a little anger at my rejection.. but it was the hurt that I remember most. I wanted to run back and hold him close.. take away that hurt. That look of hurt on his face hurt me more than anything he had ever done to me.. for I had caused it to him.. I know, I know... he has been pretty rotten... but ... The old man showed up & took my hand... he explained what I knew but didn't want to remember... We went to who Dan was... his very essence.. at least in this reality. He has to have an outlet of need.. We looked at his past relationships... his newest... his need to be needed. We looked at his childhood... how he felt he needed to do for others for others to care.. and all I could give him was love... sure, he was always there when I needed him... but I didn't want that .. I didn't need him ... I just loved him... wanted him. and he can't accept what I give.. He did though... once. We went back to just after Valentines... him sitting at his desk full of happiness and excitement that I was coming out again in a few months... his head full of dreams.. happy.. I would be moving there this summer.. we would laugh together.. hold each other safe.. making plans.. a future. But he panicked... No this can't be... he pushed that away... and he ran away... from me.. from us.... from what could be. 6:25 a.m. - 2004-06-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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