tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- He makes moving on easier I need to remember I wrote this... I need to remember that I once cared deeply... I need to remember why I feel and what I feel.. I need. But I also need not to get phone calls.. stupid calls from an ignorant person.. did they forget I had heard their voice? And why last night the visit.. so unexpected from so unlikely a visitor. I couldn't let him into my house..we stayed outside talking.. Or he talked and I listened. Where does that fit into anything and why? But... here goes: To: My friend from across the ages, You made a choice and she " the other woman" made a choice also. I still feel you.. I still feel your unhappiness.. I still feel your real choice... one that she for all her manipulation will never understand. Do I hope for your happiness with her.. not for a moment... I am not that good. You will be happy for but moments at a time... Both of you revel in your "sicknesses" and will until that too becomes too sad for either of you to live with continually. I only hope that you realize what you are doing before your focus becomes your life and "sickness" indeed becomes your future. I heard the excitement in your voice as you said you could not eat choclate or drink soda anymore... and chills ran down my spine. Words that were only repeats of what you and her had talked about... I remembered words... about aging.. about you being old .. about many things so uncharacteristically you and I realized they were not your words.. but words..discussions... you and she ... and I felt sadness... for you. I remembered so long ago... a year maybe when we had talked and I remembered your words... again words of another and your voice.. how easily it had been to walk away after hearing that.. because that person is not who I fell in love with so many years ago.. and so too.. words of another taken as your own. But I knew this... that is why the old man has been making me remember.. once I remembered it all.. the pain wouldn't hurt me so much.. and I remembered... the "crash and burn" a few months ago.. again .. another's words. My sadness is only that the person I loved never really was. I smiled when I saw "the other woman's post" was taken off so quickly.. How like "the other woman" to not be able to face up to what she really was for long. To hide her real identity.. that core of sadness. Goodby my heart's one true love.. I still feel you most days but I also feel something else now.. fleeting moments when another softly brushes my soul.. and his color is white and gentle.. the green of the forest is his medicine and the light of what could be wakes him in the morning. I feel like I have abandoned you when I try to "see" where you are. but for the moment you are where you will be.. and the sun doesn't shine there much and morning brings relief. But... I love you and always have. Your best friend from the other side. 6:23 a.m. - 2004-07-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||