tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- time to stop the dreams and I could lose my hair... this is what has become my worst fear. the loss of my hair. I know I will not be able to get into a relationship now with anyone.. for gods sake.. no one cared about me before.. fo rsure there is nothing for them to care about now. if I didn't trust anyone before... I do not want anyone's pity so for that... I can stop looking at relationships and their possibilities. so it is to be me. that's ok... I am 54 with the possibility of cancer looming over me.. so what do I have left.. 20 years? take 5 or 6 of those to make sure the kid gets thru high school and college.. then another few for him to get settled and not need me.. what am I left with.. another 10 at the most... I have been alone for most of the 50... no relationships really... a 2 yr realtionship with a guy in high school.. I didn't love him ... I just was lonely..I lived with a guy for about 10 years but it wasn't love... for either of us... I married a guy for 4 yr...that wasn't fun at all.. of course, I did not love him... a couple of years with my son's father.. though we did not live together... so.. for the most part I have been alone. this is my future and I am ok... at least the dreams can stop. Dreams of what could be only make you sad for what is. Now is the time to stop the dreams. 7:10 a.m. - 2004-09-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||